I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said:

“Stop! Don’t do it!”

“Why shouldn’t I?” he said.

“Well, there’s so much to live for!”

“Like what?”

“Well… are you religious?”

He said yes.

I said, “Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?”

“Christian.”

“Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant ?

“Protestant.”

“Me too!

Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?”

“Baptist”

“Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?”

“Baptist Church of God!”

“Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you reformed Baptist Church of God?”

“Reformed Baptist Church of God!”

“Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?”

He said, “Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!”

So I said, “Die, heretic scum”, and pushed him off.

(Emo Philips)

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About Chuck Mullis

I am the husband of Valerie and the father of Russell & Hannah. I am a self-employed contractor living in rural North Carolina as well as an ordained Southern Baptist Minister serving Living Water Baptist Church.

2 responses »

  1. Don Harris says:

    Funny, but also truer than we’d like to believe.

  2. Susan Peterson says:

    So, would he have pushed him off if he had been, say, an Episcopalian? (Or a Methodist or Presbyterian?) Would he have pushed him of he he had been Catholic? I don’t think so. The animus is supplied by the closeness of the views and the history of conflict.

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